I have moved three times since 2008 before settling in San Francisco in 2012. No complaints; NYC, San Diego, Washington DC are not exactly dumps but the biggest downside to moving is having to make friends all over again. I’ve become somewhat of a pro having moved every few years growing up and several times in my adult life. The process goes something like this; contact friends that have moved to new city, contact family that lives there, friends of friends you have been put in touch with, and hope for the best!

I moved to San Francisco when I was pregnant with Zain. Most of the people I met through my brother in law and his wife live an hour from us and I wanted to meet other mothers I could see on a regular basis once he was born. I was told to join the Golden Gate Mothers’ Group, a very active and organized website, which every mother in San Francisco seems to be a member of. There was a group of about 8 expecting/new mothers in our neighborhood that began meeting up once a week. When Zain was about two months old I began attending and it was a life saver. It was a great source of moral support, bonding (everyone else is also having sleepless nights), and advice on how to navigate through the first six months. In some cases it was the blind leading the blind, but good or bad, the advice, support, and company was all well intentioned. We drifted apart gradually but I came away with a really good friend and got through the first months of motherhood intact and happy. As Zain grew older I met other mothers at the playground, through the GGMG, and children’s activities. I made a conscious effort to see many of them on a regular basis and some great friendships have come out of it.

My advice to all new mothers is to make an active effort to get to know other mothers you will be able to see on a regular basis. Whether you are on maternity leave for a few months or plan to stay at home for a longer period of time, having the support and company of others in the same boat will make a huge difference on how much you enjoy that period. Even now, with Zain entering his terrible/terrific twos (take your pick!), the company of other mothers makes things a lot more enjoyable.

Here’s some quick advice on forming a network

Seek out other mothers

If most of your friends are single or do not have kids, seek out a few that do. This isn’t to say you should ditch your other friends but you need to have someone around who you can confer, consult, and sometimes commiserate with. If there is something like the Golden Gate Mothers’ Group in your city join it. If not, there’s a chance that you will meet other mothers through friends (or friends of friends) if you make the effort.

Stay in touch with mothers you see regularly

There are some mothers that you will see regularly at your child’s preschool/playground/activity. If you’ve spoken to them half a dozen times then exchange contact info and make plans to meet up.

Meet often, weekly if possible

Life gets really busy and hectic. Even if you have intentions to meet up it may never happen unless you set a day. For example, I go to children’s activities with one friend almost every Monday and Friday and another I see at the same park every Wednesday afternoon. It makes it much easier to plan out your week and is a lot more fun than going places with your infant/toddler by yourself. For working mothers meeting up with other families with kids once or twice a month might be a practical option.

Ditch the kids

If your week or weekends generally revolve around children chances are that you’ll be craving some time to yourself. Recently, I went with a friend(mother) to a spa and spent half the day there after which we had a nice relaxed lunch. It was terrific! Go for a meal, movie, pedicure, or coffee and enjoy being yourself without having to worry about your baby/toddler.  As they say happy mother, happy child!